Thursday, March 17, 2011

Eight kids will do that to you...

If you have 8 kids, you know what I'm talking about. Oh what, you don't have 8 kids? That's right, I'm right up there with that 18 (or whatever number of kids she has now) Kids and Counting lady...NO ONE has 8 kids, unless you're that lady or you're from a family of polygamists...well, except ME.

I'll give you an idea of what it's like to have 8 kids.
Imagine you're taking a shower. You crank the knob as hot as you can handle, because that's the closest thing you're going to get to a day at the spa (you can't actually leave the house, because who wants to watch 8 kids?!). Just as you are getting relaxed, some snot-nosed kid comes pounding on the bathroom door, "Mmmmm, sss--httt-eee!" You yell back, "I'm in the shower, I can't hear you!" The child says it again, and this time you just decide to ignore the pest like a fly that won't go away, and hope for the best.

Just as you start washing your hair, you hear some banging on the wall. No, this time it's not the door, it's the actual wall. Probably some child trying to get away from the bully child. (Every family of 8 simply MUST have at least 1 bully, I'm quite sure. I know ours does, but I won't say which child that is - you'll have to figure that out for yourself.) Once again you yell, "Quit busting down the dang walls!" and hope that they might actually have heard you. The banging continues. Guess they didn't hear after all.

As you come to realize that your "day at the spa" isn't quite going how you planned, you turn the water off, wrap a towel around your hair, and just as you're wrapping your robe around you, some lovely little child comes barging through the bathroom door stating how badly they need to use the toilet and when you ask why they can't use their own, they act completely offended that you would even ask and respond with, "because so & so is in our bathroom and they're taking forEVER!"

So you want to take a bathroom break? Nope. You better wait until the very last minute, when you're either going to wet your pants, or do "#2" in your pants, because you get exactly 1 minute, or less, to sit down, do the job, wipe, flush and wash your hands. If you don't do it in 1 minute, some little kid will come running in to see what you're doing. It never fails. As a mother of 8, you are not allowed to have more than one minute alone. Not allowed!

Let's else can I describe being the mother of eight? Ah yes, intimate relations. They don't exist. The time is never right- ask Cade. haha :x ...which, considering that we have 8 kids, it's probably a good thing that the time is never right. It's like a really good form of birth control. You either have a crying baby, a child that cracked his or her head open, or the kids won't quit banging on the door (see previous paragraph about not having more than 1 minute alone). Even if you try to do "it" at night, chances are that atleast one of your kids will come in crying for some reason. It could be anything- crying, fell out bed, bad dream, threw up in their sleep - take your pick. It's always something!

Mealtimes! It's more like a crazy food frenzy than an actual meal time. You get each of the kids food dished onto their plates, bless the food and then it begins! The very minute that you think you might get to shovel a spoonful of food into your mouth, a child asks for more chicken nuggets. After you give them a few more, you sit down to resume your attempt at eating dinner, and immediately, immediately, another child asks for more chicken. Why they can't ask you for chicken nuggets when their sibling did is beyond me, but this ritual never fails. Soooo, you get up and give them some more chicken nuggets. Then another child needs more milk, another needs more peas, another needs some bread, another just spilled their milk, and so on and so forth. This process just keeps repeating itself until mealtime ends. I've pretty much given up even eating with the children, except on rare occasions.

And what do you do before mealtime? You wash your hands! We have 2 bathrooms in this house. One is mine & Cades, the other is the kids. That's right, eight kids share one bathroom. We actually had to make bathroom rules. Rule #1: One kid in the bathroom at a time. Rule #2: Stand in a line against the wall outside of the bathroom until it is your turn. Rule #3: If you have to pee, and it's meal time, you go to the end of the line so that every other kid doesn't have to wait for you. We have one specific child that thinks the bathroom is her sanctuary. She will spend a good 15 minutes in there if you let her. I don't know exactly what she's doing in there, but she sings while she does it. Everyone else will be standing against the wall, waiting to wash their hands, and she's in there humming a tune. Hence, rule #3.

That is the what eight kids will do to you. It's done it to me, and I wouldn't trade it for the world....but a nap would be nice. ;)

1 comment:

  1. Holy Hannah... I Don't know how you do it! Seriously! I have close to a nervous breakdown at least three times a year and I only have TWO ;)
    I've said it once and I'll say it again... You deserve an award :) Especially since all of yours are still young and not as spaced out as most 8 kid families.